Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Teaser Tuesday: Keeping the Dream Alive part II

Morning, y'all! I am in high spirits today so I thought I'd post another excerpt from the novel I'm currently querying. Aside from a select handful of literary agents, this newest version of my opening hasn't been seen by anyone but myself, so I thought it would be a nice treat to have its debut here. If you read my blog, you'll know that no part of Evangeline has gone through such dramatic change as this opening. So here's hoping that any future changes to it (like those suggested by the editor of a publishing house, fingers-crossed!) will be minimal.



redacted 12/31/09


Abby Annis said...

I like your new first line, and I really like how you threw in some direct thoughts. I think that pulls the reader in more than your previous opening. Good job! :D

Just one thing. You left out a word in this sentence: “Evangeline, don’t you know how many great writers have found inspiration (in?) New Orleans?”

And I'm all too familiar with the repeated opening rewrites. Hope this one sticks!! :D Good luck querying!

Tere Kirkland said...

Oh! For the love of--!
Thanks, Abby! *goes off to wonder how many agents have noticed...*

Tess said...

What fantastic characters. I can literally feel the city around me as I read this passage. Well done.

Rebecca A. Rogers said...

Dude, I loved this. Does she have a habit of stealing things, or just that amethyst? I like your setting of New Orleans, too. :D

Tere Kirkland said...

You all are far too kind.
Thanks again for both your keen eyes, Abby and all the help you've given me on this novel. i certainly couldn't do it without you.
Tess, that is by far the greatest of compliments! I really appreciate it.
And Becca, yeah, she sometimes sees things and feels a painful urge to take them, but that is explained later in the book. Glad you liked it. Setting seems to come easiest for me, it's getting into the mc's head that's been my biggest challenge.

Thanks again, y'all!


Nice opening, Tere! I was there with the MC, running down the streets of New Orleans. I get a sense of conflict with her, like she doesn't *want* to steal things, but *has* to, which makes her interesting right off the bat. I want to know more about her, more about the city, more about her story.

If I may add one tiny suggestion: I see a lot of compound adjectives (e.g., plastic-covered, white-haired, dazed-tourist, open-air). I've been told before that too many of these (i.e., more than one per page) can be distracting for the reader.

Best of luck querying!

Tere Kirkland said...

Thanks! I know I am guilty of this, so thanks for pointing it out! I tend to overdo the adjectives when I am trying to set a scene.

Abby Annis said...

Winner, winner, chi... Oh, wait. That's been done. Uuum. If you wanna be cool, come check out my blog? ;) There something for you there.

Katie Anderson said...

This is incredible! I LOVE it!!!!!!